Paulina Porizkova says she was ‘delusional’ for trusting late husband Ric Ocasek

Paulina Porizkova has opened up about her late husband Ric Ocasek cutting her out of his will, saying that she feels ‘an equal amount of heartbreak and rage’ while grieving him because of the betrayal. 

The 55-year-old model has been candidly speaking about her struggles with depression and anxiety on Instagram since she moved out of the Manhattan townhouse they shared for three decades last month. 

On Friday, she shared a photo of herself walking through the woods as the sun shines behind her. She admitted in the caption that she blames herself for trusting The Cars frontman, who died in their shared home last year at age 75, saying she was ‘clearly delusional.’

Betrayal: Paulina Porizkova, 55, shared a photo of herself walking through the woods on Friday while opening up about her late husband Ric Ocasek writing her out of his will

Betrayal: Paulina Porizkova, 55, shared a photo of herself walking through the woods on Friday while opening up about her late husband Ric Ocasek writing her out of his will 

Hard to handle: The model admitted she was 'delusional' to trust Ric, saying she feels 'an equal amount of heartbreak and rage' while mourning his death because of his shocking betrayal

Hard to handle: The model admitted she was ‘delusional’ to trust Ric, saying she feels ‘an equal amount of heartbreak and rage’ while mourning his death because of his shocking betrayal

‘Friends. Your support and love has been immensely helpful. Thank you all. I wish I could do the same for every one of you. That said, I’d like to clear up some misconceptions,’ she wrote. ‘If you follow me because you believe I’m a tragic/romantic widow bereft of the great love of her life-you may want to unfollow. 

‘While my love for my husband was steady and my trust in him absolute, I was clearly delusional,’ she continued. ‘I believed I knew him. I believed we had the same definition of “love.” Grieving him is an equal amount of heartbreak and rage.’

Paulina then went on to address the state of her finances while she is in the process of legally contesting her estranged husband’s will.  

‘If you follow me because the fall from supermodel to pauper makes me more relatable — also unfollow. I’m not penniless,’ she insisted. I’m not allowed to share my situation since we’re in litigation, but I’m still an incredibly privileged person with nothing to cry about except for my own stupidity. 

‘This is what I have to face now. Myself. My mistakes. Of which there are many. And I have no doubt — if I’m lucky — I’ll make lots more,’ she ended her post, using the hashtag ‘#olderyetnotwiser.’ 

Paulina and Ric, who had two sons together, were married for three decades before they quietly separated in 2017. However, they had not yet finalized their divorce when he passed away last year.  

Candid: Paulina shared a makeup-free selfie last week while delving deeper into her struggles with anxiety and depression

Candid: Paulina shared a makeup-free selfie last week while delving deeper into her struggles with anxiety and depression 

Weary: Paulina revealed in late October that she has been struggling with depression and anxiety since she moved out of her New York City townhouse she shared with Ric for decades

Weary: Paulina revealed in late October that she has been struggling with depression and anxiety since she moved out of her New York City townhouse she shared with Ric for decades

Before his death, Ric had cut his estranged wife out of his will, claiming that he was ‘abandoned’ by her.

‘I have made no provision for my wife Paulina Porizkova (‘Paulina’) as we are in the process of divorcing,’ the iconic singer said in his will, according to PageSix.

‘Even if I should die before our divorce is final… Paulina is not entitled to any elective share… because she has abandoned me.’  

The rocker also left no provisions for his two eldest sons, Adam and Derek, from his previous marriage to his first wife Constance Campbell; however, his other four children were all included. 

Paulina has been incredibly candid about her struggle to deal with her grief over Ric’s passing as well as her feelings of hurt and betrayal over his decision to cut her out of his will in the wake of their separation. 

The couple was separated and going through a divorce when he died, but because they were not legally divorced, Paulina, as his widow, may be entitled under New York law to an ‘elective share’ of his estate.

Ric specifically addressed the rule in his will, stating: ‘Even if I should die before our divorce is final… Paulina is not entitled to any elective share… because she has abandoned me.

Memories: Paulina first met Ric on the set of The Cars' music video for 'Drive' in 1985 and were together for three decades

Memories: Paulina first met Ric on the set of The Cars’ music video for ‘Drive’ in 1985 and were together for three decades 

Family: Ric and Paulina, who had sons Jonathan and Oliver during their marriage, quietly separated in 2017, but they had not yet finalized their divorce when he passed away

Family: Ric and Paulina, who had sons Jonathan and Oliver during their marriage, quietly separated in 2017, but they had not yet finalized their divorce when he passed away  

However, unless it can be proven in court that she did abandon him, she will likely be entitled to a one-third share of the musician’s assets, which are listed as $5 million in ‘copyrights,’ $100,000 in ‘tangible personal property,’ and $15,000 in cash. 

In late October, Paulina opened up about the depression and anxiety she has been struggling with since she moved out of the Gramercy Park townhouse where she and Ric raised their sons Jonathan, 27, and Oliver, 22, together.  

She shared a candid photo of herself looking weary with her hand over her eyes. In her lengthy caption, she admitted that she feels a ‘physical heaviness’ and ‘constant tears.’  

‘Here’s the truth. While I thought the hard part was carrying the burden — it turns out setting the weight down is what really undid me,’ she wrote. ‘Starting last year — since my husband got diagnosed —  I’ve been on a strange journey.’

It’s unclear what diagnosis Paulina was referring to her. The musician suffered from both hypertensive heart and coronary artery disease. He had been recovering from surgery when Paulina found him dead in their home on September 15, 2019. 

A New York City medical examiner determined that he died from hypertensive and atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease with pulmonary emphysema being a contributing factor.     

Claims: Before his death, Ric had cut his estranged wife out of his will, claiming that he was 'abandoned' by her. Paulina is currently contesting the will in litigation

Claims: Before his death, Ric had cut his estranged wife out of his will, claiming that he was ‘abandoned’ by her. Paulina is currently contesting the will in litigation  

Deal: Paulina and Ric's townhouse sold for $10 million earlier this month. In her latest post, she insisted that she is 'not penniless,' but she called herself 'delusional' for trusting Ric

Deal: Paulina and Ric’s townhouse sold for $10 million earlier this month. In her latest post, she insisted that she is ‘not penniless,’ but she called herself ‘delusional’ for trusting Ric 

Paulina said the past year has felt like she is ‘paddling a canoe in a stormy sea’ with her sons.  

‘My boys are in the back, scared but preoccupied,’ she wrote. ‘Sometimes the waves are smaller and easier to navigate, some days I lose my paddle and waves threaten to overwhelm. 

‘But I know my purpose is to get myself and my kids to safety, to the beach. Now we are here. With no reason to keep standing — it seems I’m just gonna fall. What I want is to stay in bed indefinitely and cry.  

‘Depression and anxiety are familiar to so many of us,’ she continued. ‘I tend to be on the anxiety spectrum — which — oddly —sort of gives you energy and propels you —if you learn how to use those jitters. Depression is a different beast, although they are always lumped together. Depression is a complete lack of any sort of energy.’

The mother of two said that while she keeps posting on Instagram, she has ‘zero energy to reply or interact’ with anyone.   

‘This feeling of incredible physical heaviness, lack of energy, and constant tears — is, by the way, as much physical as it’s emotional,’ she noted.  

‘It started Friday, creeping up on me like a very stealthy cat sneaking up on its prey. While I thought a good night’s sleep would make it go away — I woke up Saturday with an utter lack of interest in anything. Including getting up. 

Hard to handle: In mid-October, Paulina posted a final photo of herself sitting on the cheetah-print carpet in the empty living room of her townhouse

Hard to handle: In mid-October, Paulina posted a final photo of herself sitting on the cheetah-print carpet in the empty living room of her townhouse

Memories: Paulina shared candid photos of herself packing up all of her belongings for weeks ahead of the difficult move

Memories: Paulina shared candid photos of herself packing up all of her belongings for weeks ahead of the difficult move 

‘This for me is day three in which I feel like my bones are made of lead pipes.’

Paulina explained that the physical heaviness she feels has made it difficult to even take care of her pets. She admitted her dog Ludwig burping makes her ‘angry and tearful,’ while her cat Oskar wanting breakfast makes her ‘want to punch him across the room.’

‘Clearly, I would NEVER act on those impulses,’ she stressed. ‘I’m sharing them so you know if you ever felt that way, it’s ok. As long as we don’t act on them.

‘There is nothing in the world I want to eat or do,’ she wrote at the end of her post. ‘And the boxes heaped all over the house are just gonna stay there…DONT WORRY GUYS, I am not suicidal. I just feel really really bad.’ 

More than 20,000 people liked the post in support of Paulina, and thousands shared their well-wishes in the comments, including fellow models Cindy Crawford, Petra Nemcova, and Helena Christensen. 

Three days later, Paulina shared a makeup-free photo of herself lying in bed while delving deeper into her mental health struggles.   

‘I had my first panic attack at the age of ten. I didn’t know what it was, I thought I was dying. I told no one and I just expected to die, which of course made the anxiety worse,’ she wrote. ‘It was my husband who diagnosed my anxiety when we met, because he had it too. And together, we learned to live with it. 

Ready to go: Last month, right before she left the house, she posted a selfie that shows movers packing her boxes in a truck behind her

Ready to go: Last month, right before she left the house, she posted a selfie that shows movers packing her boxes in a truck behind her

Sold: The mother of two first shared a snapshot of herself packing up the townhouse in late September while revealing a another family was moving in

Sold: The mother of two first shared a snapshot of herself packing up the townhouse in late September while revealing a another family was moving in 

‘With this damp, uncomfortable secret out in the daylight, it didn’t disappear, but it was easier to manage.’

Paulina explained that her anxiety eventually became ‘unmanageable’ in her early forties and she turned to medication.  

‘In hindsight, I now think my body was trying to tell me what I figured out a bit later: my marriage had become a rock I kept trying to roll uphill by myself,’ she admitted. ‘This was anxiety. Not depression. Depression happened to me AFTER I weaned off the meds. 

‘By then I understood why I was depressed. I was lonely. I wasn’t desired or wanted by anyone, career or private life. It was a situational depression. A depression with the cause,’ she explained. 

‘I decided to act on the cause instead of the symptoms. But events don’t always have a happy ending, however hard one works, or how long one tries. It’s not a failure, it’s a lesson.

‘Now, freed from the responsibilities that were forcing me forward, I stand still, and HAVE to feel. Have to acknowledge where I am and why I am here and take stock and decide where I want to go and with whom.’

Paulina then thanked her followers for all of their advice, as well as their ‘compassion’ and ‘care’ during this difficult time in her life.   

‘We all have individual approaches to mending things, whether it’s with Jesus or meds or self-help books or meditation, or combinations, it all comes down to whatever works for YOU,’ she stressed. 

‘There is no particular system guaranteed for all. I’m finding my way out of the tunnel, one little step at the time.’

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